#BecomingTransParent
Photography by: Celine Richardson
Hi all,
I’ve been meaning to write more lately and there are a few topics on the docket. It’s been so difficult to find some quiet time in the home where I could just sit, think, and write. I hope to create more meaningful content to spread awareness and simply help others through my experiences.
Today I’m sharing with you all a very special friendship I developed in the last 8 months. This is the story of my friend Kayden & his beautiful baby girl, Baby W.
Baby W. & Everly holding hands
In the first few months of Everly’s life, I didn’t know how to control my milk supply. I am one of the very lucky ones who are able to produce a large volume in a very short time. I saw two lactation consultants and they confirmed that I hyper-lactate - meaning I was making more supply than my baby’s demand. I was able to produce more than our freezer could store - so we invested in a larger one just to hold more and use them when we needed to.
As the weeks and months went by, the freezer filled up fast. Everly didn’t take the bottle well and I needed her to feed on me to relieve the pain from my chest. I didn’t want my milk to go to waste, so I decided to donate. I first went on Human Milk for Human Babies (I didn’t want to go donate to the hospital during a pandemic) and posted a listing for my area. The DM’s slid in fast and in two hours, I had saved bags for 6 different parents who needed the milk. I didn’t have the best experience as two Facebook accounts turned out to be one person - I felt cat-fished and honestly, a little violated as I was giving away something my body was producing.
Ollie and Everly
I decided to no longer donate off of that group and kept the rest of my stash, but then again, weeks went by and my freezer filled up again. It was not long until my Doula, Emma, reached out to me and asked if I had any milk to spare for someone who desperately needed it. This time I requested a conversation to know who my milk was going to and this is how I met Kayden.
Kayden was pregnant at the time, and they use he/him pronouns. He is a Trans male who, unfortunately, was discriminated against by certain people & institutions because he wanted to have a baby, and was carrying her. He is a single dad by choice and honestly, one of the strongest people I know.
Kayden and his beautiful daughter, Baby W.
Heartbroken to hear that the system didn’t accept him, and his wishes to feed his baby with breastmilk were denied by the local banks & groups, I immediately accepted to be his donor. I remember desperately trying to put Everly down for her nap quickly so I was able to meet him at our porch pick up just to get to know him more.
Meeting Kayden and learning his story was one of the most humbling experiences I’ve ever had to date. I am so honored to be called his friend and to be able to provide for his beautiful baby girl, Baby W. Kayden would describe his pregnancy as “joining one of the loneliest clubs in the world”, which is incredibly heartbreaking. Any parent would know how isolating postpartum can be - imagine going through that, as a single parent, and outcasted for being Transgender.
The world has so much to learn from his experience, to change, to show empathy, compassion, and to admire the strength of people in his position. Though I don’t know how it truly feels to be in his shoes, I thought I would share my mic and pass it to Kayden to share his story in a series of posts (upload dates TBA) - in hopes to spread awareness and to shed light on a problem in today’s modern society.
Baby W. & Everly
There are so many challenges to create a conversation around the topic of first time parenthood, especially in the Queer community. As a person who has been through postpartum depression and suffered from major postpartum anxiety, I cannot imagine how isolating it can be, being a single parent and trying to survive in a community that doesn’t fully accept you because you are Queer. I hope we can use this platform to highlight major topics that need to be discussed and improved upon.
Kayden, Baby W., Everly and me