Growing with Love: We’re Pregnant!

Come March 20, our little family will be getting bigger! Mike and I are pregnant with our first child. Sometimes my brain still can’t believe it’s really happening, but I’ve started to get little kicks (more like internal kung-fu punches) and a tiny, hard bump to constantly remind me of this blessing we’re truly thankful for. We were trying for a while, and honestly, it’s been a complete whirlwind getting familiar with my cycle, timing, appointments with doctors, and not to mention the countless articles and advice from others.

Now that we’re a little over halfway, I’m excited to finally open up about our story and the details of Baby Baxter!

June 24, 2019. To my disbelief: Positive tests.

We were packing for a trip to Vegas earlier this year and I remember feeling that oh-so-familiar feeling that my time of the month was coming. Trying to push my disappointment aside, I packed a light luggage (as I was only going for a short weekend trip) complete with a box of tampons in its “emergency” compartment.

Through being careful with our diet, we learned so much during the process of trying to conceive. Mike and I had cut back our alcohol consumption and were eating clean(er) than normal. We started exercising more regularly. One thing I didn’t know about before was that we (mostly Mike) had to cut back on having hot baths or using hot tubs during ovulation periods. We tried month after month our best to see if we could get pregnant… but month after month we were disappointed.

Although we don’t party in Vegas like we used to, we decided to take the weekend to relax and enjoy hanging out with friends we don’t see very often. It was a wonderful trip full of laughs! There was one night, in particular, I thought my period was coming and I wore a tampon just in case of any accidents.

I flew back from Vegas a day before Mike, and I remember realizing as I was unpacking that my tampon box was near full. My cycle was super regular, so I thought traveling messed it up a bit. But that morning, at 5:30 AM, I got up to use the bathroom, and instead of peeing on my Ovulation stick, I decided for sh*t's and giggles, to try a pregnancy test.

Ollie was the only living soul at that time who I had told about being pregnant… but he didn’t understand.

I remember the exact emotions I went through while sitting on the toilet. I turn to my right to look at the ClearBlue Digital screen… “Yes,” it said. I rubbed my tired eyes in disbelief. I got up and scrambled to find another test.

Two hours later, I stood in front of the drug store waiting for it to open. My brain was going through a million emotions. I even sent Mike a cryptic message at 6:30 in the morning, something in the form of “Hi, how are you? Just seeing what you’re doing” (-facepalm-).

We had a miscarriage scare a month or two before so I wondered if it was something related to that… or what could be? Desperately trying to practice to “be calm” and “relax” which is definitely not my forte, especially that summer morning. I grabbed 5 different tests when the store opened, all in different brands (simply to rule out false negatives etc) and quickly walked home (I was already nervous that running could harm the potential tiny being inside me).

A blessing & a miracle

Test after test, they all came back positive. I called my GP’s office and asked for an opening that day. I didn’t know what to do but I wanted to confirm that we were in fact, pregnant.

At the doctor’s office, I took another urine test… to my disappointment came back negative. I was so confused. What was so different about their test versus the store-bought ones? The doctor saw the look of absolute sadness on my face and got me a requisition to test my blood for HCG levels.

My head was spinning at this point. I still hadn’t told my husband and I felt completely alone. The thought of something being wrong with me and my body had started to sink in again. I took one last store-bought test at home to see if it was a sign to go into the lab to get my blood tested. It came back positive again, so I ran to the clinic before they closed to get my blood drawn.

I then spent the day cleaning our apartment, trying to keep my mind off of things. I had signed up to see my results online and (if you know me), I failed to keep my mind off of that and checked every hour, sometimes just sat there refreshing the results in hopes to see if the reports would show.

Around 10 PM that night, finally the reports were posted. It was extremely confusing for me to understand what the A54 meant. So the first thing the next day, I messaged a close friend of ours, who is a resident at a hospital, what the results meant.

“Hey, this is likely to be a positive pregnancy test... These both indicate early pregnancy as the levels are only 54. With pregnancy, we expect the levels to rise exponentially over the course of the next several weeks, and I recommend getting another blood test in 1-2 weeks to confirm this rise.”

My eyes teared up. We finally did it. At least we were able to get to this stage.

I took one of the positive sticks, wrapped it and placed it in a small gift box & placed it on our bed, waiting for Mike to come home to the news.

Fast forward to today, I’ve been going back and forth over how much to share about my journey so far. I know it can be sensitive for those trying to conceive or been through a loss, especially since Mike and I have gone through our own share of silent struggles throughout the process. We want to remember and celebrate this time in our life, but if you’re ever struggling, we send you love and hope you’re part of a community that strengthens and support you. Conception can be quite an isolating process—I’m always open for a conversation, if you need it. From woman to woman, I want to say you’re not alone. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

With love,

Veronica